
Rebecca Gayle Howell (ed.)
et al.
Published online:
18 May 2023
Published in print:
07 March 2023
Online ISBN:
9780813197418
Print ISBN:
9780813182438
Contents
Cite
Bigos, Justin, 'Thumbprint', in Rebecca Gayle Howell, Ashley M. Jones, and Emily J. Jalloul (eds), What Things Cost: an anthology for the people (Lexington, KY , 2023; online edn, Kentucky Scholarship Online, 18 May 2023), https://doi.org/10.5810/kentucky/9780813182438.003.0069, accessed 29 Apr. 2025.
Extract
Call it a delayed reaction,but this morning, opening a billwith my thumb and paper-cuttingthe flesh right beneath the nail,I cursed, out loud, the motherfuckerswho had sent it to me—again,I knew, for I have not paid a singlebill for anything in months. This one,so intact, so smug in its heftin my hand, so perfectly off-white, acid-free, and recyclable,was not for water or for trash,not for the minimum interestdue on the plastic card I usedto get my toddler daughter shoes,not for the half a tank of oilI could afford last winter—no,this envelope was from that doctorin Pittsburgh, over twenty yearsago, on the night I fell downthe oily stairs of a Greek diner,from the top step to the bottom,the basement where I washed dishes,bowls, soup spoons, coffee cups, and knivesfor minimum wage, that basementwhere I stood back up, bloodied, raptwith a kind of pain that stewardedmy body through the shift, it’s hardto explain that part but easierto say: otherwise I’d lose my job.That doctor I never went towas now impossibly billing mefor surgery, or just some painmeds and a good night’s sleep and rest,that doctor I never went tobecause—well, you know by nowwhat I’m talking about or you don’t.I’m tired of explaining these things.We all are. And we have a rightto get defensive. To reactwhen we react. Tearing that paperopen now, tearing it to pieces,in our plaid bathrobe and slippers,bleeding from a throbbing red thumball over our debts, the kitchen kettle—yes, there it is—singing in this dark.
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